Family

What is a family?

The dictionary defines it as anything that involves love. 

My “family” is full of hatred, jelousy, liars, and people who are full of themselves. 

People who feed off of making other people miserable. 

My mother, brother and grandmother is about all the family I have, whom are blood related. My in laws, sister in law and brother in law are all my family too. 

Within in the past day or two I have learned so much. 

From being lied too, used as a pawn, and the counselor for my own family. 

I feel cheated out of a family that you would see on tv. I know it’s all made up and every family has its downfall, but when is the downfalls just becoming more and more real life struggles. 

Playing referee and being the middle person is NOT fun. Not for anyone, so why is it normal to me to always be the one trying to make everything ok? 

I feel like I swim up to the surface, then right when I think I’m safe to float, I get pulled down again, crushed under the pressure of the water. 

That’s my life. Thinking a loved one is finally showing me some sort of compassion, and then completely doing a 180 and throwing me off. 

But then again even after I slip back down into the water, my rock shows up and pulls me up to safety. 

I remember growing up and thinking to myself why I had to live the life I had. Not knowing that it made me who I am today. 

I can’t say I deserve the life I have that’s just selfish, but I believe the higher power has shown me why my whole childhood and teenage years happened the way it did. 

This is my life. 

My family is just shrinking day by day and I don’t care because their doing it to themselves, but deep down in that cold water, you wish you could feel the warmth of others. 

The ocean is a cold place, and you need to be surrounded by people who will help you swim back up.